No one knows

Parenting. Adoption. Abortion.

These are the 3 things that every woman thinks of when facing an unplanned pregnancy. For me, at 19 years old, that first option, parenting, is something that I so greatly wish to do.

This is not my first pregnancy. Sadly, at 17 years old, and with an abusive (verbally and sexually) boyfriend, I got pregnant. My heart had the same desire in it then that it does now. To raise and parent my child. Unfortunately, I was at the domain of my parents and boyfriend. I wish I never had to tell anyone. I wish I could have run away and saved the life of my child and myself. Faced with threats from the dad, Brian (some violent), and my parents (in the form of kicking me out, no support at all), I had no choice but to get an abortion. This was the last thing I ever wanted. I fought it as long and hard as I could.

But I was 17. How could I be homeless with no insurance, no money, and a baby all by myself? What happened to me on January 18th, 2012 not only killed my innocent child, who is now lovingly named Skylar, but it ripped out my soul and nearly killed me. I struggled with depression before this, but nothing compares to the feelings I felt after that day.

2 years later, I found myself in that same position. This time with a different guy. And this time, my parents don't know yet and neither does anyone else. I know, he knows, and my best friend knows. It's hard not to talk about. It's something I wish I had support in. Tomorrow I will be just 15 weeks. I find myself uninsured again and with financial troubles. I faced the prospect of abortion. I told myself that if I got an abortion, my life would surely end the following day. My second child's life could have ended October 1st, 2013. Hours away from this deadly fate, I made one last attempt to save our lives, to give my baby a chance.

I felt I had no hope. No choice.
Then I sent an email that saved my son or daughters life.